Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Emotions get the best of me

It's been really tough the last couple of weeks. I have had my moments to say the least. Being a twisted artist is really demanding on all levels. You have the mental struggle of coming up with an idea...something to feed the fire. Then physically can be a challenge if your tired, if it's a material you have never worked with, and or just space. Then you have the emotional side.

Now when it comes to your brain speaking on the behalf of your emotions its very logical...or in my case "heady" I get stuck going around in circles thinking and wondering...bringing up the past pains the future worries. It becomes a sick cycle at times. Then my heart starts to hurt. I feel like I am being swallowed up by a whale. living in the dark! Fear is good fuel but not if it makes you numb or paralyzed. Emotions run on their own with no slowing down.

They say just relax, try to be calm, work it out...
But when your in so deep it is hard to pull your self out.

This is when art (at least mine) can go two ways!

You are struggling, trying so hard to put down, paint, draw...ANYTHING!!! The feelings are so strong that it feels like a tornado ripping through your soul! But then the worst thing happens.
Everything you try to produce to express your self is muted, muddy, messy, and just NOT GOOD!

OR

You find that one time where you have the emotions by the hair and you whip art out like it was meant to happen. All the pain, all the worry, all the bullshit you put up with it isn't just coming to the surface...
It is BURSTING OUT!!! It races from your brain to your heart to your eyes and hands and out comes beauty! Who cares if the art is dark, happy, weird, or miss understood!
It is...WAIT FOR IT.....LEGENDARY! (I really love the show how I met your mother!)

So that is my words...here are some photos...some suck, some are okay, some gave me better bigger ideas! but in all...it was a blender of everything.

This is a great box that someone used for a gift they gave my little one.
I saw it and had to draw on it! Had no idea what would come about.
So at that very moment a small fellow named BushelPeg was born!

This was the 1st drawing on this strangely perfect white box.
Lovely Luna Owl.

I have been feeling close to birds.
Sometimes caged, sometimes free, and other times the idea of someone soul.

The 3rd drawing on the box.
A family of flowers...
4th side to be determined!

My darker stuff called out to me in my time of
"AHHHHH &*#*$%!!!"
Top left: A odd almost ugly girl with a red balloon..."WEIRD!"
Top right: The moment when all you see is lovers and you feel "ALONE!"
Bottom: Trying to hang on with strength! "TIRED!"
A 4th was made...will get a picture later.
It was "Overwhelmed"

These were homework assignments from my physiologist! It was fun and I planned nothing...they grew on their own with pure feeling.
do they suck? are they interesting? is there something more here? why only the colors green, blue, and red?



WOW! I JUST NOW..
LIKE RIGHT NOW RIGHT NOW...
REALIZED I AM FEELING THINGS IN 4'S!

wonder what that means!?!?
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