Monday, April 11, 2011

Love Your Family

So everyone always talks about us torched artists. It's true most of the time...we go through so much that we either need to express the dark or build something beautiful.
Saying that I have been really down lately.

But the honest truth is we are all human and we all have tough times. I think we forget that everyone at some point in their life has going through something traumatic even if to you it seems small or not so bad.
Everyone has their own limits to pain.

This is a door from my dad's house

I took a nap with my little one today and had a dream that was hard for me.

Because of my dad's suicide I am sensitive to seeing him in my dreams. When he first past away I had a dream about him but only could see his hands. I woke upset that I didn't see his face or get to say anything to him...there was a fence in the way.
This time was so intense I woke with tears streaming down my face before I could even realize why.

I was visiting some seemed like a prison or something. I had lily in my arms. I heard my dad was there. I was told we were to late to see him everyone was inside talking to people. There was a large thick piece of glass between the people on one side. I saw him from a far and held up Lily high in the air for him to see...there was to many people in the way. I ran pushing through people till I reached him. I held up Lily to the glass and he (for some reason) Held up a little black baby boy. Then I pushed even closer till we were right up next to the glass. There was a little slot that he could put his hand in. I placed Lily's foot into the slot...He touched her foot (tears are pouring out of my face as I write this) They see each other eye to eye and he rubs her little foot so softly.
At this point I physically wake up for a split second for some reason and I see Lily asleep right in front of me and she has a huge smile on her face!! (more tears)
I hurry and close my eyes to fall back asleep!!!

I see him there and he is looking right at me. His hand is almost to big for the slot...he struggles to get it in the slot turning it up and down...finally I reach my hand in and we touch fingers. (deep breath) I tell him "I am not mad at you!" he looks worried or like he feels bad...he keeps trying to give me candy. It's in a small bag. He says, "It's made with REAL lemon!" I insist he needs it because he is in there. He then looks at me and says strongly, "LOOK AT ALL YOU KNOW" .............. then I wake up from a phone call.

The Road to my dad's place...We all have a path to walk.

SIGH ...what does it mean!

Well I think that it is him trying to tell me that he is proud of how much I have grown and how hard I am trying to become someone.

Anyways...I miss him SO MUCH... it was nice to see him and hear him after 9 years.
And I am really happy he got to meet Lily!

Thanks for listening.
To cheer you all up after that crazy dream I will share a video I watched this morning with Lily right after the dream... YO GABBA GABBA!
Gotta love THE ROOTS!

Have a loving day!

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